This is only my second post and I can’t help but draw connections between what I am doing and bibliomancy. However, I am doing it in reverse of course, as I’m using a poem to dictate things that have already happened– And also to Bikrim yoga. By reading the same poem over over, it becomes a fixed point for me to revolve around and measure progress against.
As it turns out, I won’t be moving to the U.K. I was turned away at the border on Friday the 13th, and sent home on the same day. I’m not sure I could make something like that up if I tried. I could reapply for my tier 4 visa of course, but there are times when you just feel that things are not meant to be. For me it’s taken three failed attempts to move, one that ended after two months back in May.
It’s only now that I am realizing how much vulnerability this has required on my part. I gave up my job, my apartment, which was amazing, and many of my possessions. All of which, upon looking back, I realize, I’d do again with out hesitation…I’m not the type to wonder “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?” But for the first time in my life there is trepidation. But more than wondering “Do I dare?” I wonder, “What should I dare?” And the pregnant pause at the end of this post is implicit of my current mental condition.
That is all…