And seeing that it was a soft October night, I’ve decided to let it all go, all of my fears and anxieties, though momentarily, as I am sure they will be there to greet me in the morning.
I love NYC, I love it more than any place that isn’t London. I love the feeling of being anonymous, but not invisible, for all of the microinteractions and micromoments that I get to share with people. It’s funny too the people that you remember in a day in this city, and much to my surprise many of them are the indigent and marginalized, always eager to offer a “hey sis,” or “thanks for the smile.” It’s meant so much to me that the simple act of smiling is seen as a kindness, and in giving one you receive the joy of knowing you’ve made someone else happy. Funny too that the people who are most appreciative are those without much in the way of worldly possessions or esteem. To know that someone sees them and recognizes that they exist is more than a kindness, it’s called being a person–and I know that it’s the least I’d want in their shoes. I hope that I am never so weary of the constant onslaught of nameless humans being (not a typo) that I forget to or lose the will to smile for no reason.
In other news, no one ever tells you how difficult it will be when you are just starting out…but that it is a necessary hardship. That it’s important to embrace the moments of silence, as they “serve as the foundation for creativity.”–nicked that from a youtube video, and though those words were belligerently yelled at someone, they are profoundly luminescent. This last 4 or 5 months have been a sustained pause in what in retrospect has been a chaotic 2 years or so, and I’ve fought it tooth and nail, looking for the next thing. It’s only now that I am able to express gratitude, realizing that I’ve managed to somehow start a company and reconnect with old friends, and dream new dreams, and yea become a new person to a degree, all in the space of that overwhelming chasmic silence. I won’t guess what’s coming next, but I am sure things will all work out.